SOSR Blog

Sometimes the biggest messages in life come when you aren’t expecting them. I know I’ve been the recipient of the “WOW” when I wasn’t looking.

This morning was no exception.

In the last month, I have been plagued with headaches that slowly elevated to migraine status. Each time I thought the cycle had broken, the pain came back with even more of a knock-out punch.

It didn’t take long for me to become frustrated, depressed and beat down.  Pain has this natural effect on the body. And my body remembers this pain well.

After all, I’ve been here before.

I think that is what made these even more significant. The intensity of the migraines grew as I began to overthink the “why” in an effort to find an answer to what God was saying through the pain.

It is here I found myself thinking too much. Not good for a migraine sufferer.

I knew in my heart God was trying to break through the rat race that I have slowly entered back into. Years have gone by and the pain in my head has been minimal. In the last month, I have had a daily dose of pain. On a scale of 1-10, I’d say I’ve been functioning between 7 and 9.

Did I say functioning? I guess that is up for discussion.

Slowing down, taking time to be still—am I heeding my own message? Oh, the answer to that question is one I am not proud of. I have fallen into the trap…again!

Do you ever find yourself going around the same mountain--like the Israelites wandering in the desert?

Please tell me I’m not alone in my wilderness travel.  You know what it’s like when the scenery begins looking oddly familiar. Like, you’ve been here before.

What does your wilderness travel look like? Where do you find yourself lost or confused?

Is it...

• Pain?
• Over-commitment?
• Addiction?
• An unforgiving heart?
• Searching for peace or answers?

Fast forward a month and this brings me to this morning’s "WOW" moment. When I turned the page in my journal, I found this quote staring back at me:  “God will always speak peace and not confusion. He will lead you, not drive you.” 

The light bulb went on.

The 2x4 crashed over my head.

I realized I was driving...lost...again.

I’m sure among other things this pain is speaking truth on my inability to trust and let go. I pray it doesn't take me 40 years to get where I'm going, and I learn to trust God in the ways He needs me to.

I seem to have this knack for letting go only so far before snatching back the wheel. I know God wants to be the driver and He doesn't want me wandering around in the desert. I'm sure there will be purpose in this most recent travel, as He promises to work for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

When He drives, the journey is definitely more peaceful and has a direct route. I am able to look around and take in the scenery. I find joy and contentment in the everyday—the ordinary.

So, why do I fight being here so much? Why do I insist on taking the longer route, the route marked with many detours and road closed up ahead signs?

Who's driving your car?

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